For those of you who have found this blog, remember that it is only one small piece of a grand puzzle. Everyone carries a piece of this puzzle. There are many of us. Every piece is just as important and worthy as the other. I feel that this is why we argue, ponder, and always look outside and focus on the experiences of another without bringing our pieces to the table. Trust yourselves for what you carry inside and bring it out. Do not look for what you are looking for from me, him, or her. Offer it so that it can become us.
I have been writing this blog for a few years now based on my personal journey with the people that consider us as family. I have found that sharing has helped me to grow. They have endured our many faces and whims as humans. They have shared with us that we are not completely to blame but are responsible for our intent and choices at the same time. I simply mean that we are not completely to be blamed for our disconnection with all of the other parts of who we are. We were tricked, tampered with, and used. More details can be found and researched somewhere else if that puzzles you. The interesting part about that is that most of us chose to be here. This was one of the many eye opening experiences that the Sasquatch people taught me this year.
When I created this blog a few years ago, I was in school at the university. I had time to follow my heart into the forest and seek out what I was looking for. In January of 2017, I was ready to start a new career because school was done. I got a call in March from the Forest Service and began an internship in Chicago and was moved to the National Forest and Grasslands of Texas to begin my work with the National Forest Service. It was beautiful in concept and idea but working within that type of confined governmental structure was not for me. I learned tons over the summer and had a one of a kind experience but working in the forests in such a militant manor was more than I could take. I wished everyone there the best and expressed nothing but gratitude as I resigned.
I followed my heart through the door that I had opened; unaware of where I was going. After spending years in the university studying science, and after a summer full of adventure in the National Forests of East Texas, I decided to utilize my past experiences and degrees in the private sector. Today, I work for a big contractor in San Antonio Texas. I am happy. I suffered for many years getting through school. I wrote the Human Services an email, thanking them for letting me use food stamps for a few years while I was in school. I told them that I no longer needed their services. It was a great feeling! I did not receive a reply.
For those of you that have read the My Lady of the Woods blog over the past few years... now you know where I have been. This blog has never been about the messenger but the message. At least that was my intent. It still is.
When I went to Chicago last summer in June, I studied in the Chicago Botanical Gardens. All spare time was spent in the gardens. When I would meditate, I was amazed at how harmonic the trees and plants were with the daily flow of people. The trees and plants shared with me the love and admiration that they felt from the humans visiting them day after day. I flew back to Texas energized and ready to get back into the National Forests of East Texas.
I spent most of my time working and studying in the Angelina National Forest. Growing up with a cowboy Dad and a farmer Grandad, I already knew how to work all of the machinery. I drove tractors with plows, shredders, fertilizers, and rakes. I worked seed separators and planters, cultivators, and so on. I was also supposed to study the migration of the monarch butterfly. This is where my job got very interesting. I would drive a little four wheel drive mule into the forest for hours and search for nectar sources for the monarch. On the farthermost point of the longest trail through the forest I would stop the motor, get off, and breathe deeply with my hands open palm up. This has always been my way. Others have their own way. This is always my way to connect to that web that connects us all. I would listen with my feeling.
I was greeted. I would always feel the people around me. It was not what I would expect every time that I was there. It was unsettling many times. It was always during the day that I was in this place. I was about 5 miles in the middle of this forest and I always felt like a child. The Sasquatch people were not the only people there. There were other people there too and they were the most aware of me; I felt. I only brought love there but it was an innocent and child like love. The forest was matured and had its own community. I heard the chatter in my heart. I was being discussed. I was the topic of conversation. I felt careful. If I were still asleep, I would have felt more oblivious and therefore at ease.
The farthermost loops in the Angelina National Forest were grown over with vegetation. My mule barely fit through the trails. I realized that I was too awake for this. All heart, all love, innocent, and yet I was like a fish out of water. The first time on that loop I got off and would end up looking over my shoulders. In the light of day I heard the leaves all around me; moving under the steps of what I could not see. After the hair on the back of my neck stood up, I got back on my mule and hit the gas. I drove until the vegetation gave me a little better room and the hair relaxed. I turned the mule off and listened again with my heart. I heard the leaves again but I felt a smile come across my face. I opened my hands again and closed my eyes and heard sticks breaking. I was surrounded by new friends that did not mind that I was there.
Over the years I have become accustomed to footsteps, being touched, hearing chatter, watching shimmers... I have had more eye contact experiences than I wish to explain because that is such a convoluted area. Many humans invest all of their being into what their eyes see; never taking a moment to ponder how a blind person would experience the Sasquatch. If you are reading this, take a moment and imagine how you would experience the Sasquatch people if you could not see. This is my world of interaction. Eyes are beautiful! My favorite are brown like the eyes of my wife and daughters. I have blue. I have seen our sisters and brothers with my blue eyes but I have seen more with them closed.
MITAWINASI
It is not your eyes that blind you. It is a never ending wish of uncertainty that prods you on.
JA
Wow... Hey, brother.
MITAWINASI
Sorry to impose but this is a great moment. May I continue?
JA
Of course.
M
It may sound as a perspective but it is not. This approach has been long in coming but we can help to explain better. The senses that require the most energy are the ones that often carry the most baggage. When one screams, then often is one unable to carry the fitting frequency that would allow that soul to manifest that missing desire in that moment. Screaming is only a piece that does not fit.
JA
I'm going to feel that one out for a moment.
M
Take your time. It's easy to see.
J
Much has happened to me this past year, brother, When I finished with my studies, everything grew dim. I moved away emotionally from all of this. I pushed it away. I was tired. I felt as though that I was ran through a cattle chute and ended up somewhere new.
M
New is good. Old is beautiful. Reach back to what triggered you. Feel that moment. Away from the sounds of despair. Where you are going is who you are and not what made you. What made you is always changing. It is being fed from where you are going.
J
That's obviously a circle analogy. I guess that I should introduce you a little. I'm just letting the readers know that I met you with the Sasquatch people a few years ago. Mitawinasi is not a Sasquatch and is from the planet Dakote. He looks like a very tall native American. I met him when I was with my Sasquatch brother, Tograhnu. Tograhnu told me that he was a friend. And he has become my friend over the years. Past blog entries record our story together.
(It has been three months since I wrote this above. I stopped at that point and continued in private as I have had a struggle keeping balanced this year. I have put this blog on hold many times this year because of all of the personal changes that I have gone through.)
I'm sorry to sound like a broken record about my personal stuff. I'm just trying to get it out so that I can move forward. Let me just get this over with this way and I will stop bringing it up.
When I began this blog a few years ago I thought that sharing what was happening in my life, all of a sudden, would help me to better understand it. It did. I met so many wonderful people with similar experiences and sharing helped me learn and grow. I was going to school and working at the time and the Sasquatch people just entered my life like a subway train entering the station. It was a beautiful and intense journey together and then school was over.
What I had been studying for wasn't anything like I wanted to do once I got out there with the National Forest Service. I learned why the NFS are, most of the time, the last ones that ever have anything to do with the hairy folk. So, I quit and found a great job. But it is a giant change as well and in a new city. I became out of balance. The Sasquatch people worked with me intensely over the last half a year but it was only for me and not a blog. It has become clear that I am to share again now. That is all that I wish to talk about ... about me. It is where I have been and why this blog had a one year hiatus.
I pushed them away. They were always there when I spoke with them but I was too busy with me.
As I sit here tonight, I reached out with my feeling and asked if they would help me write this blog entry. Mahkee told me that he would talk to me but not in a blog. I asked Tukra and he said that now was not the time. I can see Tahjee watching me intensely and relaxed. I heard, "I will." and asked who said that. Oitoli told me that, "It was time." Not trying to sound mysterious and stuff; but I knew that he meant that it was time for he and I to have a conversation that I can write down and record here. Most of our interaction has been physical. There have been no long conversations between us. Oitoli didn't want to have much to do with me in the beginning. He was told by the clan to interact with me and I know this from the clan as I was also told that I was to meet him.
I did. I recorded it in earlier blog entries. Our mind speak was simple and to the point. We talked little but physically interacted a lot. He just didn't have much to say. But we were stuck together none the less. Ha! It's funny.
OITOLI
Humans like to to play a whistle without moving their fingers. You blow a lot but do not make music.
I watched enough. I moved without family. I was new and you were new. You and your family came and spoke to us. I did not want to hear. I felt you. I watched you. I was alone and in a way of finding the true way to the one. I listened to a human reach. I tried to let you move through the wind without me. You kept me in. The ... (I do not know this word but it feels like group) told me to listen and hear. I only hear the waves of humans in my head. I saw the wave over my mate and youth. I had to leave. The closeness between you and me is no longer there. (youth feels like kids and wave like human habitation. Closeness between you and me is a veil between humans and the Sasquatch.)
J
I feel a heavy cloud and relief at the same time, Oitoli. Your words touch me differently than I am used to. When you say one thing, I feel a mountain of communication running through me. It's hard to keep up. Is this why it took so long for us to reach this point?
O
No.
J
Help me understand. As I sit here and close my eyes and focus on you, I do not feel a contentment. I don't know always what to ask. It was always that I should ask and feel the answer. Now I can hear much more. But the feeling is more too. What are we doing?
O
There are some of us that do not feel to do this. I do not always feel the love that you do. Many of us search to find what you are looking for. We are at a place of joining. The love that you feel when you come to me is a wall that lets you to me. Love brings us close because there is only love that does this. But when you are close, love can push you far away.
J
What do you mean? I feel that blanket is some sort of divide and cushions the reality at hand.
O
Love is a balance because there is only love. Everything that we feel is love because there are only different balances; your love for the unknown and my love for what I see from where I am. Love must become a tool for you to unlock love. There is only love but there are different locks.
I have traveled and moved away from love and to love. But love was always there because there is only love. I have lost everything that I have ever loved because of human blowing the whistle without moving their fingers. To love humans is not a balance of love that I am. Humans came too deep into my home and changed the balance. I walked and grew tired.
J
Oitoli, communicating with you and understanding you is very difficult for me. I have way too many feelings and scenes before me and yet you speak your simple words. What I am understanding is that you are searching to find a way to balance yourself with humans again because they have destroyed your home and family. I feel that you walked north and found my family of Sasquatch sisters and brothers and was place with me in order to expose us both to something that helps us grow. How does this feel?
O
We are close.
J
What do you mean, Brother?
O
Love is inside and love is outside. Love fear but do not choose to feel fear. Love what you do not choose to feel. Do not let love blind you. Understand that there is only love. There is nothing else. Feel that part of love that allows you to be afraid. Say thank you. Say thank you to what you do not want. Be that biggest part of love that you choose. Thank those other parts of love that pushed you away and you did not want. Balance. I learned balance again with you, Johnny. You were the human that the clan told me to face. Your simple love showed me something too. Humans were very hard for me to love.
J
What I'm getting from all of this that every part of source or creator or God or whatever has the same choices to make. What I mean is at every level of dimension or "vibration" or level,...... every part of that source energy has that choice at what level of love they wish to vibrate at. Alright... What about you Sasquatch people being our big brothers and big sisters? It is obvious for many of us that science and spirituality are one, contrary to what is being forced upon us. All matter vibrates and matter is created by thought. So we vibrate differently than you do. Are you telling me, Oitoli, that all of you above or below our level have the same choices to make as far as love?
O
Yes.
J
Well, that is not going to be a surprise for most of us. Most of us are awakening to what lies hidden in those quiet moments of meditation or closing our eyes in the forests at night and reaching out to whom we KNOW is there. I feel that this blog entry finds most of us already awake and possibly nothing new. However, the struggles that we go through to connect with you and others at your vibration sometimes leave many of us hanging. You can see us but not the other way around.
O
It is supposed to be this way. At our level we face the same as you at yours. The levels are never ending. There are always choices at every level. Many of us remember choices that we have made at "higher levels" but higher is not the same as better. They are only higher because those levels move at a different vibration. Lower is not worse and higher is not better; only different.
J
Oitoli, I have to end this and get it out and over with. Can we pick this up in a couple of days and get deeper? I also want to talk about the "Trusted folk" in the National Forests of East Texas. I feel that this blog entry needs to be posted.
........
I have been writing this blog for a few years now based on my personal journey with the people that consider us as family. I have found that sharing has helped me to grow. They have endured our many faces and whims as humans. They have shared with us that we are not completely to blame but are responsible for our intent and choices at the same time. I simply mean that we are not completely to be blamed for our disconnection with all of the other parts of who we are. We were tricked, tampered with, and used. More details can be found and researched somewhere else if that puzzles you. The interesting part about that is that most of us chose to be here. This was one of the many eye opening experiences that the Sasquatch people taught me this year.
When I created this blog a few years ago, I was in school at the university. I had time to follow my heart into the forest and seek out what I was looking for. In January of 2017, I was ready to start a new career because school was done. I got a call in March from the Forest Service and began an internship in Chicago and was moved to the National Forest and Grasslands of Texas to begin my work with the National Forest Service. It was beautiful in concept and idea but working within that type of confined governmental structure was not for me. I learned tons over the summer and had a one of a kind experience but working in the forests in such a militant manor was more than I could take. I wished everyone there the best and expressed nothing but gratitude as I resigned.
I followed my heart through the door that I had opened; unaware of where I was going. After spending years in the university studying science, and after a summer full of adventure in the National Forests of East Texas, I decided to utilize my past experiences and degrees in the private sector. Today, I work for a big contractor in San Antonio Texas. I am happy. I suffered for many years getting through school. I wrote the Human Services an email, thanking them for letting me use food stamps for a few years while I was in school. I told them that I no longer needed their services. It was a great feeling! I did not receive a reply.
For those of you that have read the My Lady of the Woods blog over the past few years... now you know where I have been. This blog has never been about the messenger but the message. At least that was my intent. It still is.
When I went to Chicago last summer in June, I studied in the Chicago Botanical Gardens. All spare time was spent in the gardens. When I would meditate, I was amazed at how harmonic the trees and plants were with the daily flow of people. The trees and plants shared with me the love and admiration that they felt from the humans visiting them day after day. I flew back to Texas energized and ready to get back into the National Forests of East Texas.
I spent most of my time working and studying in the Angelina National Forest. Growing up with a cowboy Dad and a farmer Grandad, I already knew how to work all of the machinery. I drove tractors with plows, shredders, fertilizers, and rakes. I worked seed separators and planters, cultivators, and so on. I was also supposed to study the migration of the monarch butterfly. This is where my job got very interesting. I would drive a little four wheel drive mule into the forest for hours and search for nectar sources for the monarch. On the farthermost point of the longest trail through the forest I would stop the motor, get off, and breathe deeply with my hands open palm up. This has always been my way. Others have their own way. This is always my way to connect to that web that connects us all. I would listen with my feeling.
I was greeted. I would always feel the people around me. It was not what I would expect every time that I was there. It was unsettling many times. It was always during the day that I was in this place. I was about 5 miles in the middle of this forest and I always felt like a child. The Sasquatch people were not the only people there. There were other people there too and they were the most aware of me; I felt. I only brought love there but it was an innocent and child like love. The forest was matured and had its own community. I heard the chatter in my heart. I was being discussed. I was the topic of conversation. I felt careful. If I were still asleep, I would have felt more oblivious and therefore at ease.
The farthermost loops in the Angelina National Forest were grown over with vegetation. My mule barely fit through the trails. I realized that I was too awake for this. All heart, all love, innocent, and yet I was like a fish out of water. The first time on that loop I got off and would end up looking over my shoulders. In the light of day I heard the leaves all around me; moving under the steps of what I could not see. After the hair on the back of my neck stood up, I got back on my mule and hit the gas. I drove until the vegetation gave me a little better room and the hair relaxed. I turned the mule off and listened again with my heart. I heard the leaves again but I felt a smile come across my face. I opened my hands again and closed my eyes and heard sticks breaking. I was surrounded by new friends that did not mind that I was there.
Over the years I have become accustomed to footsteps, being touched, hearing chatter, watching shimmers... I have had more eye contact experiences than I wish to explain because that is such a convoluted area. Many humans invest all of their being into what their eyes see; never taking a moment to ponder how a blind person would experience the Sasquatch. If you are reading this, take a moment and imagine how you would experience the Sasquatch people if you could not see. This is my world of interaction. Eyes are beautiful! My favorite are brown like the eyes of my wife and daughters. I have blue. I have seen our sisters and brothers with my blue eyes but I have seen more with them closed.
MITAWINASI
It is not your eyes that blind you. It is a never ending wish of uncertainty that prods you on.
JA
Wow... Hey, brother.
MITAWINASI
Sorry to impose but this is a great moment. May I continue?
JA
Of course.
M
It may sound as a perspective but it is not. This approach has been long in coming but we can help to explain better. The senses that require the most energy are the ones that often carry the most baggage. When one screams, then often is one unable to carry the fitting frequency that would allow that soul to manifest that missing desire in that moment. Screaming is only a piece that does not fit.
JA
I'm going to feel that one out for a moment.
M
Take your time. It's easy to see.
J
Much has happened to me this past year, brother, When I finished with my studies, everything grew dim. I moved away emotionally from all of this. I pushed it away. I was tired. I felt as though that I was ran through a cattle chute and ended up somewhere new.
M
New is good. Old is beautiful. Reach back to what triggered you. Feel that moment. Away from the sounds of despair. Where you are going is who you are and not what made you. What made you is always changing. It is being fed from where you are going.
J
That's obviously a circle analogy. I guess that I should introduce you a little. I'm just letting the readers know that I met you with the Sasquatch people a few years ago. Mitawinasi is not a Sasquatch and is from the planet Dakote. He looks like a very tall native American. I met him when I was with my Sasquatch brother, Tograhnu. Tograhnu told me that he was a friend. And he has become my friend over the years. Past blog entries record our story together.
(It has been three months since I wrote this above. I stopped at that point and continued in private as I have had a struggle keeping balanced this year. I have put this blog on hold many times this year because of all of the personal changes that I have gone through.)
I'm sorry to sound like a broken record about my personal stuff. I'm just trying to get it out so that I can move forward. Let me just get this over with this way and I will stop bringing it up.
When I began this blog a few years ago I thought that sharing what was happening in my life, all of a sudden, would help me to better understand it. It did. I met so many wonderful people with similar experiences and sharing helped me learn and grow. I was going to school and working at the time and the Sasquatch people just entered my life like a subway train entering the station. It was a beautiful and intense journey together and then school was over.
What I had been studying for wasn't anything like I wanted to do once I got out there with the National Forest Service. I learned why the NFS are, most of the time, the last ones that ever have anything to do with the hairy folk. So, I quit and found a great job. But it is a giant change as well and in a new city. I became out of balance. The Sasquatch people worked with me intensely over the last half a year but it was only for me and not a blog. It has become clear that I am to share again now. That is all that I wish to talk about ... about me. It is where I have been and why this blog had a one year hiatus.
I pushed them away. They were always there when I spoke with them but I was too busy with me.
As I sit here tonight, I reached out with my feeling and asked if they would help me write this blog entry. Mahkee told me that he would talk to me but not in a blog. I asked Tukra and he said that now was not the time. I can see Tahjee watching me intensely and relaxed. I heard, "I will." and asked who said that. Oitoli told me that, "It was time." Not trying to sound mysterious and stuff; but I knew that he meant that it was time for he and I to have a conversation that I can write down and record here. Most of our interaction has been physical. There have been no long conversations between us. Oitoli didn't want to have much to do with me in the beginning. He was told by the clan to interact with me and I know this from the clan as I was also told that I was to meet him.
I did. I recorded it in earlier blog entries. Our mind speak was simple and to the point. We talked little but physically interacted a lot. He just didn't have much to say. But we were stuck together none the less. Ha! It's funny.
OITOLI
Humans like to to play a whistle without moving their fingers. You blow a lot but do not make music.
I watched enough. I moved without family. I was new and you were new. You and your family came and spoke to us. I did not want to hear. I felt you. I watched you. I was alone and in a way of finding the true way to the one. I listened to a human reach. I tried to let you move through the wind without me. You kept me in. The ... (I do not know this word but it feels like group) told me to listen and hear. I only hear the waves of humans in my head. I saw the wave over my mate and youth. I had to leave. The closeness between you and me is no longer there. (youth feels like kids and wave like human habitation. Closeness between you and me is a veil between humans and the Sasquatch.)
J
I feel a heavy cloud and relief at the same time, Oitoli. Your words touch me differently than I am used to. When you say one thing, I feel a mountain of communication running through me. It's hard to keep up. Is this why it took so long for us to reach this point?
O
No.
J
Help me understand. As I sit here and close my eyes and focus on you, I do not feel a contentment. I don't know always what to ask. It was always that I should ask and feel the answer. Now I can hear much more. But the feeling is more too. What are we doing?
O
There are some of us that do not feel to do this. I do not always feel the love that you do. Many of us search to find what you are looking for. We are at a place of joining. The love that you feel when you come to me is a wall that lets you to me. Love brings us close because there is only love that does this. But when you are close, love can push you far away.
J
What do you mean? I feel that blanket is some sort of divide and cushions the reality at hand.
O
Love is a balance because there is only love. Everything that we feel is love because there are only different balances; your love for the unknown and my love for what I see from where I am. Love must become a tool for you to unlock love. There is only love but there are different locks.
I have traveled and moved away from love and to love. But love was always there because there is only love. I have lost everything that I have ever loved because of human blowing the whistle without moving their fingers. To love humans is not a balance of love that I am. Humans came too deep into my home and changed the balance. I walked and grew tired.
J
Oitoli, communicating with you and understanding you is very difficult for me. I have way too many feelings and scenes before me and yet you speak your simple words. What I am understanding is that you are searching to find a way to balance yourself with humans again because they have destroyed your home and family. I feel that you walked north and found my family of Sasquatch sisters and brothers and was place with me in order to expose us both to something that helps us grow. How does this feel?
O
We are close.
J
What do you mean, Brother?
O
Love is inside and love is outside. Love fear but do not choose to feel fear. Love what you do not choose to feel. Do not let love blind you. Understand that there is only love. There is nothing else. Feel that part of love that allows you to be afraid. Say thank you. Say thank you to what you do not want. Be that biggest part of love that you choose. Thank those other parts of love that pushed you away and you did not want. Balance. I learned balance again with you, Johnny. You were the human that the clan told me to face. Your simple love showed me something too. Humans were very hard for me to love.
J
What I'm getting from all of this that every part of source or creator or God or whatever has the same choices to make. What I mean is at every level of dimension or "vibration" or level,...... every part of that source energy has that choice at what level of love they wish to vibrate at. Alright... What about you Sasquatch people being our big brothers and big sisters? It is obvious for many of us that science and spirituality are one, contrary to what is being forced upon us. All matter vibrates and matter is created by thought. So we vibrate differently than you do. Are you telling me, Oitoli, that all of you above or below our level have the same choices to make as far as love?
O
Yes.
J
Well, that is not going to be a surprise for most of us. Most of us are awakening to what lies hidden in those quiet moments of meditation or closing our eyes in the forests at night and reaching out to whom we KNOW is there. I feel that this blog entry finds most of us already awake and possibly nothing new. However, the struggles that we go through to connect with you and others at your vibration sometimes leave many of us hanging. You can see us but not the other way around.
O
It is supposed to be this way. At our level we face the same as you at yours. The levels are never ending. There are always choices at every level. Many of us remember choices that we have made at "higher levels" but higher is not the same as better. They are only higher because those levels move at a different vibration. Lower is not worse and higher is not better; only different.
J
Oitoli, I have to end this and get it out and over with. Can we pick this up in a couple of days and get deeper? I also want to talk about the "Trusted folk" in the National Forests of East Texas. I feel that this blog entry needs to be posted.
........
